Much Confused

I am just a bit confused and dead-in-the-brain today. I'm not sure why. Maybe it is the fact that I have to meet my soon-to-be step-grandparents on Saturday. Joyous. Becca is looking forward to inheriting two new dogs with the marriage. She wants to dress them up. I seriously don't know what to think about my mom getting remarried. Ray, her fiance, is pretty cool. But I can't help but feel that this is a second loss of my freedom. Tooele seems so far away, even though it isn't. Is this unusal, to feel this way? It is so funny, because if I asked this in my physical journal, nobody would answer. But here, I look for an answer. I think I have overloaded my mind with stories this week. Trying to make it all fade, as the worlds in my books become more real. My mom hates it when I do this, because If I do it long enough, I lose touch with reality. Which is my goal. But of course, being a human in the modern world, this is unacceptable. The library has become my safe haven. It is a place for me to be by myself and learn about whatever I wish. And when I can't get away, I hide up in the big maple tree in my back yard. It feels like a sturdy friend. It's limbs embrace me in a protective hug. And maybe I can lose myself in it, become part of the tree. Forget about life and just reach for the sky. I wonder if that would be considered a form of suicide?