Yes, I know: Blog Spam!!! Click them or face my... something or other... WRATH! Yes, that's the word! Wrath! Or face my wrath! O:)<-- (this is supposed to be an angel. Just so you know...) Please click.


I am amazed I even figured out how to make it work... Yeah, I know I am being a little obsessed, but hey, they are cute! :) Ok, now for the actual blog-type post:

Ok, can you tell I'm a little hyper today? I'm not sure why, I just am. Yeah, I took a bunch of weird "Hogwarts House Sorting" quizzes today. Surprise surprise, Gryffindor won hands down, with only 2 Ravenclaw result out of about 12 quizzzes.

Winter (One of my cats) scratched my mom yesterday, it got infected, Ray freaked out and now the cats are in imminant danger.

Bella (One of my dogs) Got into my room today and attacked my stuff, ruining one piece of clothing, and chewing two of the legs off of one of my StableMate horse models. Needless to say I am rather angry with that mutt right now... Those of you that know anything about me will know that my world revolves around horses, model or no.

And now I am really tired, so I will wrap this up by saying goodnight to all!

Love, Maya <3

Long Weekend

My family went camping this weekend to celebrate the Fourth of July, and for the most part, it was great. Auntie Jo and her kids came up with us to hang out, Alex was able to hang out with Brenen (Her boyfriend), and Becca and Tayor did stuff together. I hung out with the adults and sometimes with the kids whenever me, Alex, Brenen and Dallin weren't 4-wheeling. That is what we did most of the weekend. I crashed twice, which was kinda interesting. There is now an enormous bruise on my right leg from when the wheeler rolled onto it.
Another time it dumped me on my butt in the creek. But the real adventure I wasn't even there for. The four teenagers had gone on a ride up to the headgate and doing some random riding. When we came back, we noticed that Brenen wasn't with us anymore. Dallin went back up to find him, and we didn't see them again for 3-4 hours. When it got dark, and it was pretty certain that they weren't back yet, or even on their way, Ray and Rocky went out to look for them. I was so scared for them, because those to guys have started to mean something closer to brother than friend to me. As it turns out, they had gone somewhere off limits and lost Red down a hill. Red was beat up pretty bad, and the guys were freaked out pretty bad (Well, at least Brenen was). But what I learned from it was A) Don't go where your not supossed to, and B) So far, I am not to impressed with having brothers. It hurts more than you'd think. And then they are nice and you have to love them again. ;)

Whoa, Girl!

What an adventure today! I got up earlier than usual, because my mom's friend is letting me ride her horses. For the most part, it went great. Aside from one of the mares being a brat, and me getting used to the saddle again, it went really well! The horses I was riding were really special. They were fjord horses. I know I am going to really feel it in tomorrow morning :), but I don't mind at all. We were trotting, and walking and doing different patterns. Just a lot of good, basic flatwork. And then the Sparks came. I got very dizzy, and little Sparks of white light began to fill my vision. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to stay upright for much longer, I slid off of the horse and began leading it towards the tie-up posts. Sparks still crowded my vision, getting worse by the second. My kegs buckled. The last thing I remember is crashing to the ground. I had fainted. The next thing you know, I was laying in the grass in the shade, a wet towel on top of me and water being poured in my mouth. My mom thinks that I had gotten fairly advanced heat-exaustion. So now I am back at home, tired, with a headache, and hardly able to wait for the next ride. Yup, horsecrazy chicka right here. The only thing on my mind: Horses!

Crashing

It is now official. My mom is married, and I live in Tooele. Things have been so crazy lately, I don't know where to start. I just had a basic meltdown over school, my low self-esteem when it comes to math, and my total confusion of everything relating to life. What can I do though? I might be getting a job soon, and that will help to break up the monotony of my every day life. But I am not sure if that will work out yet. I have a headache right now from crying so much... I feel like such a child, to cry over so much stupidity. I keep listening to Waves, hoping it will help calm me. Not much luck in that department, although it does help remind me. It reminds me of what I've lost, and what I've gained. I know that you probably don't know much about what I am going to talk about next, but please bear with me. I need to talk about it. Have you ever wanted something so badly, and know that you could never have it again? That is how I feel about hugs. One kind of hug in particular, actually. The kind of hug that you get from your dad, strong and warm. Making you believe that nothing will ever hurt you. I am never going to have that again. I realized that a little while ago, but it never really hit me until tonight about what that means. It means that I've lost my Polaris. My guiding star. Yes, it is true that I still have my mom, but it isn't the same. My mom has done so much for me and my sisters, but I have no way to repay that debt. One day I might find a way. But for now, I am stuck in Tooele, without people that I can know and belong with, without an anchor in this troubled time. I read some where that girls who have lost their fathers are most likely to date at a younger age. I understand that. I want someone to protect me, to be my eternal friend. I want the love that can only come of that kind of relationship. I know, I am just rambling now.... But I don't know what else to say. I think it is a good thing that I am going to the doctors tomorrow. Maybe my doctor can up my anti-depressant meds. I swear this isn't normal, to feel as if the ceiling will crush you at a moment's notice. My brain is getting scrambled... I guess I'll go to bed now.

Much Confused

I am just a bit confused and dead-in-the-brain today. I'm not sure why. Maybe it is the fact that I have to meet my soon-to-be step-grandparents on Saturday. Joyous. Becca is looking forward to inheriting two new dogs with the marriage. She wants to dress them up. I seriously don't know what to think about my mom getting remarried. Ray, her fiance, is pretty cool. But I can't help but feel that this is a second loss of my freedom. Tooele seems so far away, even though it isn't. Is this unusal, to feel this way? It is so funny, because if I asked this in my physical journal, nobody would answer. But here, I look for an answer. I think I have overloaded my mind with stories this week. Trying to make it all fade, as the worlds in my books become more real. My mom hates it when I do this, because If I do it long enough, I lose touch with reality. Which is my goal. But of course, being a human in the modern world, this is unacceptable. The library has become my safe haven. It is a place for me to be by myself and learn about whatever I wish. And when I can't get away, I hide up in the big maple tree in my back yard. It feels like a sturdy friend. It's limbs embrace me in a protective hug. And maybe I can lose myself in it, become part of the tree. Forget about life and just reach for the sky. I wonder if that would be considered a form of suicide?

Need...More....SLEEP!

I am a zombie today, due to being awake until 3:00 in the freakin' morning... *brain dies* Anyway, enough of that melodramatic-ness. I am very content today. Which makes no sense, seeing as I also have a deep undercurrent hyperness too. My brain is going everwhere today, which is maybe not such a good thing. I found out that at the house I will be moving to I will have my own phone in my room, which I will also be able to use as an internet connection, so I won't be entirely without civilization. Yesterday was really amazing. I had a great day with a bunch of my friends. Sometimes that is all you need to relax, is to just get out of the house and be with happy people. Which is what happened yesterday, among other things. :) I got to skip dress shopping, went to Mutual with my friend Bekah and had ice cream with my family. Also, earlier that day I had some amazing cookies. It was a very good day.

Day 2

Internet is still down at my house, so the library will be my main place of writing. I am so happy, because I might be able to take riding lessons again this summer. Again, with a new instructer. I never seem able to stay with one instructer, but we'll see if that changes. I am going to be going up to Idaho, probably, soon. VERY happy about that. I am starting to strongly dislike the 1 hour thing with library computers. It is way to restrictive. I am tired today, maybe because i didn't get to sleep until about 12:30 this morning. It is about 5:10pm right now, which means I should probably be getting home. Except that I don't want to... Sounds like your typical teenager, right? So tell me what 'typical' is. Exactly. The rain/thunder/lightning storm last night was so cool! Plus, I saw a tornado forming. It didn't make it to the ground, but I might post pics later of the funnel. It is kinda wind right now too, but not as bad as yesterday. Becca, my nine year old sister, asked me if it would be good weather for flying, if you were a bird-person. I told her not quite, because of all the conflicting winds, not to mention low visibility and the potential of getting hit by lightning.